Thought I would try and post today because, normally, if
I feel like I have the past few days, I wouldn’t normally be up to posting due
to feeling exhausted and unable to focus. Even if all I’m doing is staying home
all day, exhausted.
This has been happening since I took that damn Doxycycline
back in May. It’s like I get flashbacks of what that bad reaction was like
every time I get hormonal, which for me is just over two weeks a cycle. And
what makes things a bit extra intense just lately is that since taking the
MTHFR/pyrrole supplementation my cycle has suddenly gone from being 4 weeks
long to 3 weeks long! Lol! So for less than a week every three weeks I feel
really fucking good. Amazing. And then for a bit over two weeks I feel a range
of not so great to completely exhausted and please don’t talk to me because
your voice feels like burning. Yup. LOL! Madness!
I will say, however, that what has improved with taking the
supplements is my ability to deal with feeling fucked. I don’t feel suicidal or
utterly hopeless like I did while taking the Doxycycline or in the PMS periods
after taking Doxy but before starting on the supplements. So that is awesome
news! What I do feel is extreme fatigue and unable to handle much stimulation.
Like someone talking to me, that quickly becomes unbearable. It’s kind of
embarrassing, someone will be talking to me and all of the sudden I’ll ‘hit
capacity’, as I tend to refer to it, and then my eyes will start to get all
watery and I’ll feel rather anxious to escape. Same happens if I go shopping or
have to make a lot of decisions. I also can’t seem to handle listening to music
for very long or wearing tight or irritating fabrics. Lol! I sound all a bit on
the autistic spectrum! Actually that doesn’t sound that crazy considering the
research I’ve read into the connection between gut dysbiosis and leaky gut with
autistic symptoms (like this: http://www.nleducation.co.uk/resources/abstracts/dysbiosis-in-autism-more-evidence-confirms-association/)
…hmm, interesting. Doing work for college I can handle in
small doses if I don’t have to think too much.
So yes. Today is one of the more fucked days. Need to go to
the shops but just can’t bring myself to get in the car. Too tired and it feels
like my adrenals are writhing, all tender. I’ve also had some weird-ass
detoxification symptoms pop up this past week. What looks like burns have
suddenly appeared on my arm…I don’t remember burning myself. I might be prone
to dissociation but except for the few quite profound episodes I’ve had, I
always remember when I hurt myself and I’m quite sure that hasn’t happened this
week! If it wasn’t for the fact that despite feeling all the crap stuff I’m
also feeling a lot better in a lot of ways, I’d be a bit concerned. I trust
it’s all just part of detoxifying, will check with my doctor soon though.
However, although it all sounds pretty bad, good things have
been happening! Before this unawesome period started my skin and eyes started
to look really quite amazing. I’m not even sure what it was, all I know is that
I would look in the mirror and think “wow, I look different, I look better!”
And when I have my feeling good days they are feeling amazing days! And I’m
feeling a LOT better about my hair thanks to finally dishing out the money to
try Morrocco Method. I highly recommend those products and the advice they
give, like their regular hair brushing technique (even for curly hair like
mine) and instructions on how to cut your own hair, which I did this week! And
I love it! :D
The other good things are that my muscle mass is slowly
returning and I (when feeling well) have more strength. I’ve upped my weights
at the gym and am finding myself walking more, when for most of last term going
to the gym meant I couldn’t do anything else for the rest of the day, not even
study. And walking to the station to get the train just seemed out of the
question if I wanted to be able to concentrate at college.
I think what is also helping is knowing I have more tricks
up my sleeve. This Sunday I have a session with a native American healer who
I’ve come to know through friends. I’m not sure what to expect other than from
the stories he’s told us it sounds like there’s little he can’t help heal.
Considering how not good I’m feeling now Sunday can’t come soon enough! Don’t
want to get my hopes up though. But I’m very curious as to what he’s going to
pick up on and what he’s going to recommend I do to heal.
And if that doesn’t work there is another quite remarkable
sounding practitioner I would like to work with; Donal Carr at Place of Chi.
He’s Australia’s most qualified CHEK Practitioner and has worked with many
professional athletes and Olympians struggling with everything from chronic
fatigue and serious physical injury. I saw him yesterday for a introductory
consult and I would love to take up his offer to work with me but what with
college and working until Christmas I think that will have to wait. I
also want to wait until after working with Wolf on Sunday. Who knows, I might
be all better soon! Lol! Ahh…that would be awesome. Even if I am feeling better
I would still like to work with Donal. I love the sound of the CHEK system
(created by Paul Chek) and would like to experience it first hand and consider
practitioner training in future.
And if those two things don’t work, I still have something
else up my sleeve to try but I won’t talk about it yet.
So yes. Good stuff happening despite feeling crap most of
the time! Lots of exciting options that keep me hopeful and optimistic.
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