My doctor warned me about 'herxing' but I didn't pay much attention. I thought "Oh, it couldn't be much worse than how I've been feeling without the supplements." Turns out I was a bit wrong. In case it's helpful to others experiencing similar, I thought I could list here some of the fun and curious reactions I've experienced since starting my new supplements.
So the afternoon they arrived I excitedly took the morning dose of 6 capsules at about 3pm reasoning that that would a be a good idea because I obviously need these things, and that at dinner I could take the evening dose. Despite a rather profound experience of feeling truly nutritionally satisfied a few hours after that first dose, once I took the evening dose things turned. There was no sleep to be had that night. There was instead much tossing, turning, sweating, delirious mind racing and such vigorous pounding of my heart I was genuinely concerned I might spring a leak somewhere. Next day I was faint, a bit out-of-it, but wired at the same time, it was like feeling caffeinated to the point of my brain being filled with white noise; not a functional kind of stimulation. Thank goodness this happened after my exams! Driving felt unwise. B vitamins and methionine eh? Powerful little things! I stopped taking them and called the doctor. He said "oh yes, you're a severe undermethylator so you're likely to react, start slow and increase the dose gradually over two weeks." So I've done this and have got a fair bit more sleep since but still am feeling rather dissociatey (my word for 'not quite here'), have gotten a couple of headaches, bit of nausea, a few strange red bumps on my skin, night sweats, the occasional racy heart, but overall much improved. Oh and my hair is falling out. Actually that started when I started taking activated B vitamins and a methyl support supplement when I knew it was likely I had the MTHFR mutation. But now all of the sudden I look like I've had a haircut and I haven't. I trust this is all leading to something good, lol, so I'm just going to let go of attachment. I just hope I don't lose too much more before things turn around!
Actually on attachment and losing things; this has been such an interesting year in relation to such. My whole body shape has changed in a matter of months. As a model known and often praised and sought after for my particular shape it has been REALLY confronting to have that change so quickly. Even though I actually like the shape I am now for a while there, though, I found it very disturbing to look at my reflection in the mirror at the gym because I didn't look like myself. It was like "That's not me. Where am I??". Even now my brain still has a hard time recognising my reflection as myself. I can see it as a nice curvy body, and look, it even has boobs! But it's not my body. And then to be losing my hair (not only a feature on my modelling resume but something I've strongly identified with my whole life; it's long and curly), and energy, and the ability to eat whatever I want without getting strange reactions. Lots of letting go and surrendering to this path, wherever it's leading.
There have been times, usually while under the influence of hormones or that damn doxycycline, where all this would just seem too much and I'd get upset, but generally I feel up for it. It's like "Ok life, I get it, I won't fight. I give in, I'm listening, just show me what you want me to do, where you want me to go." And I find that when I do that I intuitively know what I need to do next, even if it doesn't seem to make much sense at the time. It reminds me of what I was taught in my years of studying Sufism, and which always made me feel rather uncomfortable; that when God wants to draw someone closer, He/She/It often uses misfortune or disease to do so, because until the person lets go of attachment they're distracted from connecting to God. So I'm just going to let go of attachment now and start talking to the Universe a lot so we can avoid me losing all of my hair, ok?
Something I heard said recently really resonated with me in relation to this whole experience and has helped me feel even better about it. I think it was Ana Forrest who said it: "Things don't happen to us, they happen FOR us". All this is leading somewhere worthwhile. I can feel it :)
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