The second thing I found myself doing that helped quieten the
obsessive good/bad food thoughts in my head was actively not listening to them.
I told my long story of finding my way into eating disorder support groups
first because I don’t know if I could’ve done this second step if I wasn’t
going to those meetings. What I noticed about going to the support groups was
that it didn’t stop the thoughts, but it did make them quieter and less
powerful. And that made all the difference. For the first time I actually felt
as though I could, if I wanted to, just ignore them, like a radio in the
background. And then little by little they became fainter and fainter. As long
as I kept going to meetings though! Lol. Unfortunately if I stopped going or
stopped being in touch with my friends there, at least in the first year or two
(yes, this process took years!) the thoughts became loud and demanding again.
Quiet or loud they never disappeared completely. They were, and still are,
always there if I want to listen and they get louder and stronger the more I
engage with them. And they’re deceiving things. They sound so convincing and
rational. They throw facts at me, and they provide references! They KNOW what’s
right, they tell me. What I found, however, was that when I stopped listening
to them I got HEALTHIER. A lot healthier. That had them stumped. I did put on a
bit of weight for a while because when I stopped restricting then there was
still my overeating to address. But I felt SO much better, and it was like I
had to go through a period of allowing myself to not restrict or control my
food at all as a way of disconnecting from being so identified with those
thoughts that had been so dominant in my head for so long so I could then move
beyond them.
More to come. Do you relate? Would love to hear from you.
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